Something is wrong with me…
Last night i passed out. Well, it wasen’t really passing out as much as collapsing on the floor for no particular reason. Its not a new thing, i do this alot really…
It usually only happens after i have been sitting at the computer, reading a book, or doing something passive in a strange contorted position for an extended period of time (i never sit up straight). And then i get up and decide to walk… and its like my body has begun to go into shut down/pins and needles stage. I feel really light and a bit dizzy and really weak and i think in my head (this takes me less than a second); “Why am i standing up when it is easier to collapse?” and then i do. And it feels so good to just lie on the kitchen floor. Its like if your body decided to stand up while it was still asleep, you would just collapse because your muscles went prepared to work. I’ve done this a few times, i remember running into the fridge but not knowing what it was just before blacking out. Some people say this is normal… I’m actually proud of it because it sounds so weird.
Another thing that is wrong with me is I get these tiny panic attacks. I’ve been getting them for years now. I have them less often nowadays, but its hard to tell. It’s like, you can remember a dream, but you cant tell if you had it last week or last year. Well the same goes for this. I might go a week without having one, but usually maybe once a week, sometimes several times a day. It can happen any time, and i have no idea what sets them off. I get this vivid flash-back to one of the worst times in my life. The things i wish never happened. The most embarrassing, regretful, humiliating and painful moments in my life. It comes like this quick flash and i cant help taking a seres of involuntary short breaths. Like this: “gasp gasp gasp”. Yes… could do without it.
Dose anyone else have strange things like this happen to them? What do you think is wrong with me?
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9 Responses to “Something is wrong with me…”
Yes! I also often do this collapsing thing! Not as often any more because our kitchen floor is so dirty [I blame our dog]. But there’s a lot of freedom in doing something as strange as falling over in a random place. I often do things like sitting on the floor in the plaza, or walking around barefoot for weeks on end. Unfortunately I usually get glass in my feet due to the number of hooligans running around breaking beer bottles etc these days.
I find there’s something quite relaxing about lying on the floor. It’s good to feel my body fall back into place, almost like returning to its natural position. As if standing up and walking and sitting wasn’t how my body was supposed to be. But then I lie down and my body remakes itself and I’m good again :]
Also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you!
In another subject, I have a very sore head, and am very stressed, and find it so hard to focus when I am stressed. Not focusing makes my list get bigger because I can’t get anything done, which makes me more stressed.
This afternoon I had enough so I fell onto the livingroom floor and watched a bit of Gilmore Girls and let my body remake itself, but when I got up my head was spinning, and I thought, “The nicest thing right now would be to spend a few weeks lying in the hammock.”
I have this theory, that the most perfect place in the world would be a hammock with changing scenery. Sort of like a virtual reality world, but, actually real. In this theory, there’s a hammock, and one day I might feel like sun and a palm tree, and whoosh! there it is! Or another day I might want to be near a beach, and whoosh! I’m by the beach. Or I might want a large bookcase full of books that I’ve NEVER read before! And every time I read a book, it disappears, and a new unread book appears.
Anyways. That’s all :]
Holy smokes. This is serious, and this is weird.
I think it IS a form of passing out. I have seen you on the floor before and I never thought much of it, but now that you write about it like this I think something of it.
And with the whole panic attacks, WTF?! You should go see a therapist or something, or at least write down what the panic attacks were about and what happened just before them so you can try and figure it out yourself.
Call me if you need help assessing yourself.
My body has recently decided that hyperventilation is cool, and that every time i get stressed (which luckily is infrequent) that it should do the whole I CAN’T BREATH PROPERLY! thing. It’s only happened in the last couple of months too.
Also, something I was wondering, do you ever get thoughts about death I guess? Like, not suicidal, but you’ll be driving and you’re like ‘I could run off the road into that tree right now and I’d be killed for sure and nobody else would be hurt. That’s the way to do it.’ But then go ‘Mum would be sad, I couldn’t do that.
Or when things are shit, and you’re stressed you scratch your wrists and just kind of wonder how much it would actually hurt to run a pair of scissors across them or something? Not that you ever would, because that’s just dumb and it would mean having to cut my skin. I don’t want to do that myself.
If the floor thing is just not wanting to stand anymore, so you fall, then that’s okay. But if it’s a fainting thing, then you should see someone. I agree with T about the panic attacks. If they’re that frequent, then something is going on and you need to deal with the root issue. Plus, seeing a counsellor/therapist is great. You feel so ‘mental patient’. Very dramatic.
Got to say, i love Talia’s comment - i can just imagine her walking passed Rhys lying on the floor and just shrugging her shoulders going ‘eh thats Rhys for you’ - classic! The passing out could have it’s comical moments - but the panic attacks must be a bit of a kick in the pantaoons.
Mandy wow! Have you been living inside my brain or something?
Rhys - I get the passing out thing too, only I don’t really fall over.
It’s like, I get up after sitting down for a long time, and my vision fades out to black, and all I can see is squiggles and strange things in the blackness, then my hearing goes to like a high pitch tone and nothing else, and I get really really dizzy, and I am about to fall over, but I usually hold on to something, then everything fades back again.
I think it’s normal - something to do with low blood pressure (which I think I have). It only ever lasts a few seconds for me.
Holly smizzles!!! Rinky and all the dinkettes have serious mental issues. I actually 100% understand everything that has been said.
Haha, Janessa get your own blog! thats not a comment, its a friggin post! haha! Yes to Mandy “wow, it would be so easy just to hop over that railing and let myself fall” and we are both “cutter curious” although far too sane to ever take the leap. Justin - haha true true.
Thanks Luke, yeah, I suspect the fainting thing isnt too freaky and kinda fun, like giving blood is fun (no, seriously, it is).
aaannnnd Talia, Maybe I’ll see a therapist, but i don’t remember having a panic attack in the last few weeks so… I agree with Mands, It would be quite fun, i hope they do the ink blots on me.
i used to get anxiety attacks really bad when i was working at the newspaper… they were brought on by having to photograph car accidents, not the most fun pastime in the world… but got to the point where if i even thought about leaving the house my chest would feel really tight and i’d have trouble breathing.
got put on medication for it… which helped a bit… leaving the paper helped a lot more, lol. then had counselling which sorted things out a LOT more than the medication did.
and yeah… i used to cut. blehhh. i don’t do it anymore. when my grandfather passed away a few months ago i promised myself I’d never self-harm again. And i haven’t. Yay me! lol…
but yeah you should probably go see a doctor about the passing-out thing… that doesn’t sound too good :S
I dated a girl that had that happen to her. She would stand up and just go down. I tried to keep her from falling and she took me down with her. Dead weight is like woah when it hits you. I still worry about her….
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